This is exactly as it happened. The train jolted, the guy next to me lost his balance and was leaning on me. And then he kept leaning on me for at least an extra beat or two longer than any other normal person would have. He didn’t say “excuse me” or anything. Finally it ended.
Yesterday morning when I got on the train I saw someone I knew from college and had a class or two with. But we’re not really friends and every single time I’ve seen them since, the conversation has ended very quickly and made things super awkward. I was absorbed playing something on my phone, so I turned my back and pretended to be one of those commuters swiping the touchscreen of their phone like they were a cat playing with a laser pointer.
I don’t know precisely where they got off, but awkward eye contact was avoided. In other news, they probably think I’m a total dick for not saying hi to them.
Planning your exit from a crowded train is important and there are ways to figure it out. The most obvious ones being people putting their books away, wrangling their bags, shifting in their seat or changing their handhold. But every now and then you think that more people are moving than actually are. In those scenarios my reaction is usually one of silent incredulity. It makes sense that people aren’t getting off, but when no one makes the slightest effort to clear a path it can be really irritating.
If you swipe your Metrocard and don’t immediately vacate the perimeter at least a foot, then you’re doing it wrong. This woman in front of me decided that she’d stop right at the other side of the turnstile to check her handbag, effectively boxing me in. To add insult to injury, it was a series of at least six or seven turnstiles and this was the one I chose. I chose poorly.
I was rushing down the subway stairs when I saw a guy with a giant cello case also rushing to catch the subway car. I ran through the turnstile as I saw him stopped at the gate. To his credit though, he totally made the train despite his massive cello case. I couldn’t help but think that if I were in his shoes there’s probably no way I would’ve rushed like that while holding a cello.
The 4-year-old kid wasn’t actually nagging me about the game I was playing on my phone, but she was alternately interested in playing with her friend (or it could’ve been her sister) and then in random intervals she would very obviously look over to see what I was doing on my phone. To give you an idea, if I had moved my elbow slightly it probably would’ve hit her in the face. After a little bit of this I just put my phone away.
I’m not 100% sure, but I’m mostly sure that the guys who usually populate the subway at 42nd street are now at the Atlantic Avenue station. Basically they have signs with passages from the bible that focus entirely on the vengeful and angry God and say that if you don’t do it their way, you’re gonna burn in hell for all eternity. They also have T-shirts to this effect and one did literally say “Fear God.”
After I passed by them I was thinking to myself, does what they do make them feel good at the end of the day? Like do they say “Yep, got possibly another dozen people to fear almighty God, it was a good day today, I’m glad that they fear God now.” Then I took it a step further and was trying to think about whether or not they smile while they hand out their pamphlets. The couple guys I saw generally looked like very bitter old and crusty men, but the image sat with me long enough to write it down to make a comic of.
This is a very regional joke, and of course explaining it will make the joke not very funny, but I’ll explain it anyway.
I already explained in this comic how the G train is pure and simply the worst subway line in the entire system. A friend of mine recently put in application for a new apartment and it’s still on the G train. I said to him half-jokingly “Okay, your next apartment isn’t going to be on the G train.” I say this for myself and for him, because his friends (myself included) will be in a better mood when it comes time to visit him, and those occasions will usually be special occasions, because we want to avoid the G train at all costs.
This comic was actually inspired by the guy whose likeness I use for this comic. We were standing on the subway platform when I see him looking up at the subway LED giving it a raspberry. He then told me to do the same and sure enough, the vibration caused the LED display to vibrate. A woman standing near us quickly moved to another part of the platform.
Fairly obvious statement, but it’s still funny to me just how localized pee smell is on a big subway platform. You can walk down a platform and just find pockets in the middle of pee smell and the other parts of the platform basically smell totally fine.
