I’ve had this discussion many times before with my mom and sisters. I appreciate the gift, but…Don’t. Send. Me. Plants. I’ve never been able to keep plants very long no matter how low maintenance they are. Cactus, forget it. Aloe plant, forget it. Bamboo, don’t even bother. The aloe and bamboo plants were the last two victims that I claimed.

The aloe plant lasted a while but a friend knocked it over spilling som of the dirt and I never bothered to get more so it was flopping around a lot because it suddenly lost some of its support. Aloe plants retain a lot of water though so it would last weeks without water, but at some point I was cutting off the dead parts, got frustrated and tossed it. During its last days on this earth it was leaning towards the sun because it was near my window. Or perhaps, just perhaps it was trying to get out the window and commit suicide?

My mom also got me some bamboo where all you have to do is change the water in the jar every week. Those lasted a little longer than the aloe plant, but there were some times when the jar was almost completely dry because I hadn’t changed the water in a month or something.

My mom and both my sisters have plants, in fact my sister who lived in New York asked if I wanted any plants before she moved and I basically said “No, they’ll die.” Then they tell me that they won’t die if I water them, but my response is “exactly, I’m not going to water them, so they’re going to die.”

My oldest sister went to Hawaii recently and sent me this Yellow Plumeria plant thing which looks like an elaborate stick that needs to be planted, watered, etc. Right now I’m picturing myself going to the Hardware store to get stuff to get this plant started. But that image is being shoved aside by the image of this stick drying up in its plastic bag underneath some papers on my desk. Sad really.