I know not everyone does this, but because of people like these I now know the exact door to get on the subway so that I’m the first one out and up the stairs 95% of the time. I know that there are people who don’t understand having that edge of five or ten seconds over everyone else but I need to have that. Everyone’s walked behind old people before.

My favorite rendition of this is a Mr. Bean sketch where he’s going down stairs and there’s an old woman with a cane, he finally gets around her only to have another guy with a cane directly in front of her. Of course, if it weren’t a film he would’ve noticed that already, but if you inject too much logic into humor you’re probably not fun to watch movies with.

The second one I saw before, this guy with his daughter was holding her hands, and not even lifting her, just kind of holding onto her so she wouldn’t fall I suppose. There’s a time to humor your child, and a time to grab them under your arm and climb the stairs yourself. Tourists who slow down once they get to the top of the stairs to orient themselves piss the crap out of me. Those tourists and the ones who don’t get out of the way once they’re at the top deserve to be shoved aside if that happens.