Seriously, if bathroom stalls were soundproof booths and no one felt self conscious, imagine how much faster the whole process would move along. I don’t even like to go if there’s someone in the stall next to me. Maybe if things are going all right and I’m sure I’m not going to have some kind of crazy explosion then I’ll go, but otherwise I’ll just wait it out.

I always say that the bathroom is the quietest place you can ever be. People don’t want to make a single noise which makes any resulting noise that much more traumatic. I once asked a friend of mine who’s a girl (don’t you hate that there’s no girl equivalent for the word “guyfriend?”) why the hell girls take so long when they go to the bathroom. One of the reasons she cited was that girls talk when they go to the bathroom. I thought she meant in front of the mirror, but she said that it happened when they were in the stalls. Guys walk in, walk out, not a single word. I can’t imagine holding a conversation while all of that is going on, that’s just weird.